I've blown a few things in my day
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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