I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
