Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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