Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
