My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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