u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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