Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Everyone says I win the strip club
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
