No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
