im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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