Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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