If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
