I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
