Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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