Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
How's work?
Spinning.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
