if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
