So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
