If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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