He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Of course I have a pirate flag
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
