Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
