he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
