She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
