i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
