Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
