Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
