i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
