My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
