i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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