Pregnant stripper...not hot.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
