i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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