We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
