What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
