Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Randomize
