Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
