Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
