my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
