you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
