All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
