It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
A+ Viking dick
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
