Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
