I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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