I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
