so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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