My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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