I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
as a side note pls kill me
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
