at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
this just has baby written all over it
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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