You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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