My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
