She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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