so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Found the puke drawer
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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