The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
