You're my little dorito
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
