If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
