Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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