He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
